A Rose in Winter. revised 11/26/22.
2/23/21.BAHF.
Winter’s stormy skies gave way to the Sun’s impatience, heavy snow falling now bright lit from above, crystals in whirling flights, to disappear upon white fields, roofs piled high. The rays of the Sun created diamonds flickering brightly from almost every surface. Small portions of shunned evergreen boughs peeked from trees across the expanse of her vision. Beauty like this, she thought, should be….shared.
Clouds once more forced their ways across the skies, blotting out the Sun’s premature appearance. She watched as dark brooding masses filled out before her eyes, now hinting at menace, danger. The snows piled ever higher, weighing the limbs which would bend, to the ground. Some, that were old and too set in their ways, and the brittle, found themselves weighed down, broken and driven to the white below, some disappearing until the next thaw. As she stood, quiet observer of nature’s seeming carelessness, she heard across the fields the sounds of larger branches, cracking under duress, their homes now left naked to the winds. She shivered, the too light coat failing to contain her heat racing into the wilds. Turning to go back in, she noticed off in the distance, movement, sounds of struggle….fear…someone calling.
Unthinking, she stepped off the porch, into the drifts piled across her yard. She ran, as best as she was able, toward the sound, the call.
It was hard going, the drifts well over a foot already, but she pushed ever closer, her eyes peering through the falling white blizzard…trying to keep on track.
The sounds were less now, as though whoever it was found it too hard to push breath through their lungs. She moved over a small rise and saw it, saw her….a young child, a girl….lying now in the snow. No longer struggling, nor moving. She pushed faster still until she was there at the girl’s side. Only old trousers and a man’s shirt, no coat….oh god….give me strength. She grabbed the girl into her arms and turned and forced the drifting snow to part with will that was now on fire.
At last, her own breath now enormous gasps, her feet numb, her hands bitter cold, she made the porch once more and brushed off what snow as she was able, then went quickly into the house. The heat hit her like a wall as she held the girl against her body and entered the house. She tore off their wet clothes, shoes and coat, and rushed the girl to the bed, piling blankets on her body then climbing beneath the covers and holding the girl to her own sweat-soaked body. The girl had not stirred, nor had any sound come from her so small mouth. She looked at the face and tried to recall if she had ever seen this small angel before. No recognition at all, but it mattered not at this point, other than the fact that trying to notify any parents would be difficult.
She rested for several hours, as the small young girl slept. She could hear her easy breaths and felt her heart beating easy and strong. Her own thoughts were not, as she tried to decide what to do next. The weather made any travel impossible. The roads would not be cleared for days way out here, she realized. She must try to call the police, though the service was terrible in bad weather. Well, she would just take it minute by minute, she decided. Clean them both up, some clothes of some sort….though she had nothing to fit the girl really. No, that was not true….she caught herself…Maddie’s clothes were…still in the attic. Yes…might just fit this little sprite. What a lucky, heart breaking…good… wrenching thing. There, boxes in the attic, next to other boxes of…his clothes, her husband who had gone away one day, his own heart too broken, or perhaps too filled with rage and guilt….to offer Ariel any strength or resting place.
She left the girl sleeping, and took a shower just feet away, luxuriating in the hot water, slowly feeling her own body recovering from its ordeal. Toweling off, she watched the slight girl sleeping so carelessly now. No struggles, nor nightmares to betray some trauma. She went into the kitchen to scare up some warm soup and bread, a small salad. Going back to the girl, she walked into the room and saw two small eyes, peeking out from beneath the covers. The girl looked at her with no fear, a slight smile curling her lips…color in her cheeks. She sat down on the bed, close but not too close.
“I am Ariel…..you’re very safe here. I found you out in the snow in the field…you were so cold.”
The girl just watched from beneath the covers, then slowly slid them aside and moved closer. She slid herself over, onto Ariel’s lap, and under her arm, snuggling her head against her breasts. Ariel’s heart beat so….as she held the child close, safe, and kissed her hair. She smelled as if she had not been bathed in quite some time. No matter. They sat thus for many minutes, Ariel trying to find thought again, as her heart cried and memory flooded up from deep wells she thought had been sealed.
Her own little angel, Maddie, yes….just so…they had spent so many glorious times just like this, Maddie clinging to her in the most wonderful trust and happiness. Just so. Maddie, who was taken….stolen from them, from her home….never found. Never….held again. So many years now….how hard she had become…she saw. Her heart felt as if it were being torn open, doors flung open, wounds reopened without mercy. She wept over the little girl, for her Maddie, for herself. She had never really let herself….heal, she saw. The tears were quiet, so as to not wake the again sleeping child, but they did not cease, and she decided to not try to return them to their storehouse, wherever that had been.
She was surprised when she felt a small hand on her face, and looked down into the girl’s upturned face…concern, sadness…sympathy even…there in her eyes. She apologized and squeezed the girl tight to her chest, and held her own hand over the girl’s on her face. It was electricity, beautiful soft light….which held them both and wound their hearts together. The two stayed on the bed for quite some time, before Ariel remembered the soup and bread….
“Would you like some soup…some bread?” She softly asked her charge.
The girl nodded into her chest, so she climbed off the bed, still holding the now blanket wrapped child in her arms. They went to the table and she moved to sit the girl on the chair next to her own…but the girl started to cry out and showed she wanted to stay on Ariel’s lap. Well…ok then…..She would have to feed her that way, she saw.
Oh my, beautiful pain swelled within her at each spoonful placed into the small mouth, each bit of bread given, taken, chewed by the small girl. Was life truly this cruel….?....so kind? Her heart had been completely, certainly unwisely, welded already to this frail child…and she could not imagine surviving the unavoidable parting when she was returned to her home.
But, how had she come here…from where….how could she have been on her own in the blizzard? Why were there no parents flailing through the snowy fields, calling her name, panic and fear racing their hearts?
Yes….her name. “What is your name Darling?” She asked softly.
The girl slowed her chewing, and looked up into her face.
“They jus call me “You”...”. She said in a small voice. “Hey, You”,…“You, close your mouth”….”You…betta get over here right now or else”…
Ariel nearly dropped the girl in shock… anger…. rage…fear. What was she saying? How could that be? What kind of parents could do such a thing?
“Oh…” She finally managed. “Well…do you have another name…..someone as beautiful as you must be called something other than “You”.”
The girl continued to look at her, and just smiled.
“You’re pretty”. She said, and touched Ariel’s face once more. “I like you”.
“Oh my….well...thank you….I like you so very much, too.”
They just looked into each other’s eyes with big smiles, and then Ariel took a breath….”Do you think it would be ok, just between you and me….if I called you something pretty…like Rose, maybe?”
The girl looked at her, as if studying in thought for a time, then smiled and said….”Well….if ya want…if ya think its ok. Rose… s’pretty .”
Rose was never to be further from Ariel than a few feet for the next three days, as they waited for the weather to clear, for any signal for her phone. On the third day, she saw the single bar appear on her phone, and her heart fell…and flashed in fear and duty….she must call now.
Dialing 911 she waited for the voice that would end her heart’s short journey among the truly living, and would find Rose’s parents. If parents was a word that could be used for them. The voice came on…a man…could he help her….what was the emergency?
She told him her name, and explained exactly what had happened. She told him of the girl not having any name beyond “You”…and found her voice had become very angry and brittle. The man listened patiently, and asked for more details…..which she did not have. He said he would let Children’s Services know this information right away. No, there had been no calls about a missing child. He would also have his Sergeant call her right away.
Her heart continued its painful dance after she hung up, and continued on during the phone call with the Sergeant. It was clear he did not think her story was totally right…as though she might be some sort of suspect in this. She told him she would keep the girl safe until she saw someone from Child’s Services in person, with proper identification. The Sergeant was quiet for a time, and softened his tone measureably.
“I’m sorry Maam….its been a crazy several days with the weather. Non-stop emergencies. I hear you….and appreciate how much you have done for this girl already. Thank you. I don’t know how soon anyone can get to you, though. The roads are blocked from here to the county line. Nothing moving. Trucks stuck all along the roadways. We haven’t even been able to get the EMT’s out to all the wrecks yet.
“I understand, Sergeant. Thank you for all you are doing….and for helping this little one. She hesitated a moment….then told him….”I have been calling her “Rose”….do you think that is ok?”
He was silent for a time, then told her firmly…”Maam…that little girl is mighty lucky she happened to collapse in your field. I think that’s just fine….no harm there. Thank you again…..And Oh…….Maam…….Ariel you said…right?”
“Yes, Ariel Mason”.
“Oh….well…I remember you Maam…Ariel. You..…lost your little girl way back….right?’
Ariel’s heart certainly was not going to survive this whole thing, she saw.
“Yes…Sergeant. I remember you as well. You were very helpful … though….I confess I was very angry with the Police, and Federal people who were here then. It seemed…well…as if no one could do anything.”
He breathed in deep and slow, and waited….”Yes Ariel…I understand completely. It was….my first missing person case….and I was sure we’d find her just down the road or something. I’m sorry…we failed you Maam. Truly…and…I won’t fail you this time. I will check out these folks, whoever they are….really check them out. They won’t touch that girl again, if they aren’t right, don’t show me they’re up to it. I’ll keep you informed all the way, Ariel. Ok?”
“Yes…thank you…I will wait to hear. And….thank you…for your kindness.”
Each day Sergeant Mills called, and the Children’s Services called as well. Was it possible, they asked, if she could keep the child for a few more days? There was no way to get to her, and also, there were no openings in foster care at this time. They knew this was a total imposition, and they really appreciated all she had done already.
Ariel told them firmly that not only would she be fine keeping Rose for as long as needed, but ….would be very willing to be the foster parent if possible. They told her they would keep talking with her as they learned more about Rose’s situation.
Days wound on, and the two fit together like glove to hand. Ariel would play the piano and Rose would try to sing in her small bird voice, and they would fall in laughter to the floor. They would sit for hours with Rose in her lap, as they watched out the large window…Rose giggling at the antics of the birds outside, and crying out in joy when deer were sighted. Ariel was having a very hard time being willing to go to town to get supplies after the roads opened again. She feared seeing Rose’s parents, or having the Children’s Services take Rose from her. But, they needed food and Maddie’s clothes were not really right for Rose. So, the day came that she loaded Rose up, bundled in blankets and one of her own coats, and they went slowly along the still snowy roads, to town.
She stopped at the Station, and took Rose in as she went to see Sergeant Mills. He was happy to see them, and played easily with Rose as they talked. It had not gone well, though….finding Rose’s parents. No one reported a child missing, no one as far as the neighboring states even. He had looked nationally at Abducted children, and still found nothing. No one matching Rose’s description was missing, not back even years. He was sorry, but they were really trying…he said to her earnestly.
She thanked him and then went to the Children’s Services Office….and filled out the forms for Foster Care. They were in great need, the worker said……so it looked like this would not take long. Thank you again, for all you have done, Ariel.
To the store, and be amazed as Rose toured the isles with her in a cart, shouting in glee over the colors, the bottles, the snacks she recognized. She recalled no food as her favorite, beyond snack food and soups. So, they loaded up the car with weeks’ worth of food, the weather again threatening to bury the area, she had heard. She also picked out several sets of clothes, coats and shoes.
It was clear, though, Rose had never been in a store before, and had hardly eaten anything like regular food. Ever.
She called the Sergeant once more, and shared the insights…and her trying to become the Foster Parent for Rose. He was happy at that, he said, and….to be honest….pretty angry about the store thing. Thanks for telling him.
No one ever claimed Rose. No word of where she came from ever came. They traced the fields when Spring came, trying to see if she had left any tracks when she came to Ariel’s, but the snow had made that unlikely. Nothing was found. It was as if Rose had appeared one day from nowhere, dropping from space into Ariel’s land….and life. Life…and heart.
Rose Mills was officially listed among the residents of their county on a beautiful Fall day, with the presence of Sergeant Mills to witness the huge smile on Rose and Ariel’s faces…and also cosign the paperwork. As Rose’s adopted Father….and Ariel’s new husband of four months. It was a glorious day….the Sun blessing and anointing them as they stood in the County Office together, and held each other in love and in wonder….a miracle, a magical thing. A child, a Rose… , falling to earth in the midst of Winter….and a husband and wife…bound by shared pain and love that had literally filled three lives with mystery and the safe, deep joy of trust.